Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
