I wish I could teleport
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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