Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
