I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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