We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
