I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
