I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
