dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
