to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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