Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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