No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The uberlube is also flammable
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
