He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
