"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
