i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
