every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
