I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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