the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
