Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
