mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
