if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
