Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
