woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
