how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
