You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
