I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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