so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
two words...techno handjob
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
