I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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