I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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