Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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