remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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