I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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