I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
