Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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