Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
