cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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