He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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