wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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