Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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