so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
