just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
