**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
