I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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