So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She needs sedatives and a leash
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
