New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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