So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
and you fell through a lawn chair
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
