You really coming over, don't trick.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
