R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
