i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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