Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
