We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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