if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
