you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
