Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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