So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
